Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Haunted

The message I received from Char was clear and simple: “Would you like to meet for dinner?” Without a thought, I just replied that I would meet her. In the end, it left me a little confused and feelings, which I thought had dissipated long ago, came flowing right up like a river.

A few posts back, I had mentioned how my first two crushes R and Char had contacted me after a little more than a decade. During our first meeting over drinks, Char had actually confessed that she had a crush on me back then. However, after R’s rejection of me, I didn’t have the courage to approach Char to tell her my feelings. Char also didn’t mention anything to me. I guess it is considered demeaning for a girl to go after a guy back then. Even now I guess the sentiment is still there even though society has grown a little more liberal. When I heard the confession I told her what I felt at that time and somehow both of us dismissed the topic candidly.

Anyway dinner last week was at one of those casual seafood restaurants. Apparently, Char had invited R and her boyfriend too. It just happens that R’s boyfriend was another guy from our class too. While waiting for a table, we made small talk and I couldn’t help notice how Char kept looking at me with a twinkle in her eyes and listening intently whenever I was talking.

We got our table and proceeded to order. R was sharing a platter with her guy and Char suggested doing the same since she was feeling bloated. As she was seated opposite me, I couldn’t help but notice her outfit. A lot cut halter-top that showed off her well-endowed chest. Dinner was relaxed and fun though I was trying to stop looking in Char’s direction. Somehow the relaxed mood prompted R to start gushing about how her boyfriend was a good kisser. Tips on kissing began to fly across the table and when I was sharing my pointers, I noticed Char looking at me dreamily with a slight pout on her lips. Conversation continued with a variety of other topics but throughout the night, Char was just gazing at my direction.

Since all of them had a pretty long day, we decided to head home after dinner. I offered to share a cab with Char and she agreed. Once in the cab, she complained that she was tired and asked if she could rest her head on my shoulders. Somehow I agreed and she was in that position till we reached her destination.

The close intimacy with Char somehow opened up my long buried feelings for her. It intensified with her good night message to me: “Thanks for sending me back, I appreciate it. You still gave me the same feelings I had for you years ago…. Good night.”

Needless to say I was sleepless that night. I do not know whom to fault now. I believe I didn’t send any wrong signals to her. Yet her subtle actions seem to betray the fact that she’s already attached to another guy.

Yes, M knows about this episode and she even teased me for being a girl magnet. Still, M did tell me to settle this if not there will be no end to it. I do not want the best of both worlds. To me, I only love M right now. Yet, I would hate to hurt Char and destroy whatever friendship there is. Worse, I could just be thinking too much and be making a fool of myself in the end.

Damn, I hate this.

Labels: M

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